My eye doctor recently suggested I use artificial tears to help alleviate a problem I've been having with dry, itchy eyes.
Sounded simple enough. Until I tried putting drops into my eyes.
There's something about holding a plastic bottle directly above my eyes that causes an automatic response. Specifically, my eyes squeeze shut.
I'm picturing my body's automatic systems being monitored by a micron sized man in a lab coat sitting in a revolving chair and keeping tabs on streams of my sensory input.
Said little man spends most of his day with his highly polished oxfords propped on his desk as he watches the world go by through my optical nerves.
Suddenly a weapons discharging system fills his computer screen. Alarm bells start ringing. Micron man lurches from his chair.
"Fingers - what the hell are you doing pulling that eyelid open? There's an attack vehicle approaching! Facial muscles - I need maximum twitch response. I need that eyelid closed. Do you read me? Get that eye CLOSED."
And then my artificial tears roll down my cheek.
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