Monday, October 31, 2011

Thinning Homes

As soon as I crested the hill I knew something was different.

The neighborhood below had changed. The houses looked - less there - as though they were thinning and slipping from view. Slipping, perhaps, into a different dimension.

It took me a few moments to realize the unusually heavy frost had turned black roofs to white, green lawns to silver and car exteriors to opaque crystals. Perhaps when the sun rose everything would be sparkling bright, but in the dim light of almost-dawn the scene was of a community that had gone ghostly pale.

Perhaps fitting for Halloween morn, but disconcerting enough to make me wonder if the houses were truly as substantial as they had been the day before.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Latest in Costumes

Ding-dong.... Trick or Treat

Oh, and what do we have here?  Are you the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

No ma'am. I'm a snowman.

Snowman!  A little early for that isn't it?

Not according to Mother Nature.

And who's your friend supposed to be.

He's Al Gore.

Really?  He looks like a court jester.

Well ma'am, the two kind of go hand in hand don't they - I mean the whole global warming thing and all.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Slipping Away

The patchwork colors rippled beneath me and a pair of birds with five foot wingspans swooped down from above.

Trees sporting post-summer colors were reflected in the surface of the lake. The paddle that I dipped into the water stirred the colors the way a heavy wooden spoon swirls ingredients in a mixing bowl.

The birds turned out to be herons that had come to inspect the person slipping across the lake.  The subject of their inspection was yours truly.

Along with other family members, I spent a beautiful sunny Sunday kayaking in Marsh Creek Lake. The outing represented my first kayaking experience in quiet waters - an activity I heartily recommend,

Monday, October 24, 2011

Filling the Hole to China

I've found the hole to China.

There is a pothole in our development that refuses to be filled.  Time after time road crews have attempted to make the mini-crater go away by filling it with asphalt, stones, and probably anything else the crews can get their hands on.  And time after time the pothole reappears.

Enough stuff has been poured into that hole that on the other side of the earth, at a point directly opposite the Delaware pothole, a mound of earth must be continually forming from the building pressure.

I'm picturing a resident of Shanghai unable to achieve Zen.  Every weekend he rakes the sand in his Zen garden smooth - and by the following weekend the center of his garden has bulged upward like a volcano intruding on his sanctuary of peace.

By now the stressed out man in Shanghai has called in garden experts, geologists... and probably psychologists.  All to no avail.  For every time peace is in sight, a guy in Delaware starts the pressure building again.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Birthday Bash

People yelling and screaming - shouts coming from all directions. Groups of people pushing forward in tight spaces while larger crowds surge past in endless streams. The unceasing noise of machinery at work.

No, it wasn't a disaster, nor was it a haunted house or fight film.  It was Hershey Park after dark.

Friends and family of yours truly gathered in Hershey PA for the third annual Bruce's Birthday Bash with a single goal in mind - to ride every roller coaster in Hershey Amusement Park.

While we fell short of our goal due to circumstances beyond our control we had a blast trying.  This annual event seems to grow a little larger every year and every year I enjoy it just as much or a little more.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Morning Universe

The windshield wipers moved at the speed of a marathon runner's pulse. Tail lights ahead flickered from individual pairs to blurred groups of four and six, then back again between each swipe of the wipers. Tires threw water into wheel wells with hurricane force, the express spray fountaining into the air where it mixed with driving rain to further reduce visibility.

Familiar bends in the road came up by surprise, hidden in the early morning darkness and sheets of falling water. The radio was drowned out by the thump of wipers and drumming of rain. The 120 cubic feet within my car was a universe unto itself - somehow managing to slip along without incident.

It is on mornings like this that I think workdays should be governed by the rising and the setting of the sun - not the hands of a clock.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Noooooo Pockets?

It's not enough that I have to remember my sleeve length and collar size when I'm shopping for dress shirts - now I need to remember to check for pockets too.

I made this discovery when I went to put my eyeglass case in the pocket of a new shirt - and the case landed on the toe of my shoe.

What the h...  I managed to clip off the worst of the statement to save myself looking any more of a fool. Notice I say more of a fool because ten people around the meeting table had watched me try to put something in a pocket that wasn' t there.

Never , ever should a dress shirt be produced without a pocket so far as I'm concerned.  But if pockets are in fact destined to be optional, then the packaging should clearly indicate the absence of a critical component. - I'm thinking this labeling would be a great come-back opportunity for Mr. Bill (from Saturday Night live) Oh Nooooooo.... Noooooo pockets! 

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Contentment

The sky was a solid sheet of royal blue. Not a single cloud interrupted the blue expanse. Miles off shore the sky converged with a sea of glass. Two flat plains meeting in a seamless line.

Enter a sleek yacht racing across the ocean. Engines rumbling in a deep roar, the yacht was a sparkling white arrow churning up foaming white plumes of water. The sun turned the foaming froth to a spray of sparking crystals that settled into a white trail slowly dissolving back into the water.

All in all, a moment in time that sang of happiness and content.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Invention Needed

The growing hours of darkness have brought me face to face (or eye to light) with perhaps my biggest pet peeve - cars with misaligned headlights.

I'm sure every driver has suffered through the misaligned headlight experience. The car on the far side of a divided four lane highway that somehow manages to shoot a halogen beam directly into your eyes. Or the car coming up from behind that lights up the interior of your car like a stage on broadway.

So I'm putting out a call to mechanical engineers everywhere. With all of the technology available these days, one of your has to be able to design a self-aligning headlight.  Come on folks, create the invention of the decade and I'll personally worship at your doorstep every December 21st (the day with the most hours of darkness) for the next ten years.

Until that invention rolls onto the scene, I'm thinking I need to keep a hand-held mirror in my car so that I can return the offending beam of light to it's source.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Afraid of the Dark?

And you thought there was no reason to be afraid of the dark. You convinced yourself the boogeyman wasn't real, that no monsters lurked under your bed or in your closet. You laughed at yourself for ever having considered the old abandoned house on the dead end street might actually be haunted. Witches don't ride broomsticks, zombies don't dig their way out of graves, and vampires aren't waiting for your blood donation.

And then your whole belief system fell apart and you found yourself in mortal terror.

At least that's how it worked out for the family in Massachusetts who found themselves unable to escape a corn maze. Hopelessly lost in the terrifying world of dried corn stalks, the family used their cell phone to call 911.

Whose to say how they got so hopelessly turned around?  Whose to say what evil was at work?

You just might want to get your feet off the floor as quickly as possible when you go to bed tonight.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Thunder & Schedule

A quick programming note:  I'll be teaching an evening class over the next few weeks which will impact my opportunities to visit the blogosphere.  During this period I'll offer new musings as regularly as possible and hope that you will bear with me during this stretch.

Okay... on to why you tuned in.

I've been thinking more about that ghost crab (see yesterday's blog post) who had crawled out of his hole in the sand to study me.

I noticed the little critter scurried back into his hole with amazing speed anytime a person took a step or shuffled their feet within twenty feet of his home.  And it occurred to me the crab must have been able to feel the vibrations running through the sand.

Which makes me wonder.... when a crab is nestled down it its den and a troop of children start running around do the sounds of those running feet echo like thunder below sand level? Do crabs click their claws, purse their lips, and swear to King Neptune that they're going to pinch the dickens out of those little human brats if they don't settle down?

Perhaps that's why the eyes of a ghost crab ride above the crab's shell. The subterranean thunder has popped those eyes loose.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Unwanted Attention

I had the feeling I was being watched.

It could have been any one of the hundreds of people sharing the beach with me today. I let my attention drift across the sunbathers nearest me. Not a single one seemed to be particularly interested in what I was doing. Drawing a cleansing breath, I returned to the book I was reading.

And had the feeling I was being watched.

I started to get to my feet in order to better survey the neighboring population when hurried movement caught my eye.  There, just beyond my feet, were the jet black eyes of a ghost crab studying.... what?  Surely the crab couldn't be interested in me. I certainly didn't represent a meal - unless the crab was planning a luau for it's thousand closest family members.

That thought was enough to cause me to get my feet back on the footrest attached to my camp chair.

Once again I returned to my book.  And tried to ignore the unwanted attention.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Read This and Get Smart

It turns out I'm helping you expand your horizons- perhaps even get that promotion you want.

It seems reading blogs can increase both brain power and productivity. An article on the subject even goes so far as to suggest bosses would get more out of their employees if the employees were encouraged to read blogs whenever they feel their brainpower dwindling.

Of course there's the whole issue of just which blogs a worker might be found reading.... which makes Sea Zens the perfect choice. A quick shot of non-controversial brain juice.

I can straighten my shoulders and hold my head high knowing I'm improving the quality of lives everywhere.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Gathering of Flies

Somehow I'm never prepared for the onslaught of fruit flies.  I always expect to see them during... well... fruit season. And perhaps that's when they used to arrive, but lately they seem to fly in on the heels of the post-summer harvest.

I lifted the lid of the kitchen waste can tonight and a tornado of the microscopic insects rose to greet me. The cloud that followed me around while I tried to prepare dinner rivaled the dirt storm that follows the Peanuts character Pig Pen.

Someone once told me that if you put some apple cider vinegar in the bottom of a glass, fruit flies will inch down for a few sips - and then die. 

Well the insects in our neck of the woods seem to thrive on the vinegar the way old grandpa Jake thrives on moonshine up there in the thickets of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  I put the glass of apple cider vinegar on the counter and sure enough the fruit flies honed in - but only one or two succumbed. The rest seem to be spreading word there's good drinkin' in the local area. My glass of vinegar has turned into the local watering hole.  Soon there will be enough of the critters to carry the glass off to wherever they want to set up party headquarters.

I'll be happy to transport the glass to wherever they want to go - I won't even charge a deposit.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Take a Right at Mt. Everest

I came home tonight through the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains.  At least that's how it appeared.

Off to my right a landscape of towering mountains rose into the sky. The clouds were so thick, numerous, and low I could have sworn I was looking at shadowed valleys nestled between snow covered peaks.

The hidden sun illuminated the white peaks in such a way that they glowed from within - as though the snow had thinned to a veil over a bubbling volcano.

This has been one of the few benefits of the recent unseasonal weather - a slide show of varying terrains to be enjoyed at the end of the day.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

What Happened Here?

The brick chimney stood impossibly alone in the middle of the otherwise empty field. The house that had once been attached to the chimney had obviously been at least a two story affair. The still standing tower of brick made me wonder if gravity had chosen to ignore this patch of land.

As much as I wondered about the longevity of the chimney, I wondered even more about what had happened to the house. How could it be that a home attached to such a sturdy tower could not still be standing? I saw no scorching on the brick - which ruled out fire. Intentional demolition would certainly have leveled the chimney as well as the house. So just what had happened here?