Thursday, September 30, 2010

Doggie Millionaire

Should there ever be a canine equivalent of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire our dog would never win.

Testament to this is Destiny's inability to grasp the game of fetch. Oh, she has the basics down - run after the ball and bring it back. But then she gets confused between fetch and tug of war.

Now the whole point of fetch is exercise for the dog. Effort on my part is not in the game plan. Tug of war is out. Besides energy expenditure, I'm not keen on reaching into the dog's mouth to extract a tennis ball.

So....

I throw a second ball. The dog chases that ball - and finds herself in a dilemma. How to pick up a tennis ball in her mouth when her mouth is already full of tennis ball.

Now if the dog was REALLY smart, she would stand at my feet after I've thrown the second ball, continue to chew contentedly on the first retrieved ball, and give my a look that says: Sucker - now YOU have to go chase that one.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Chameleon Spirit

How was it that I hadn't noticed the face before.

I had sat in this very same spot nearly every day during lunch and not seen the face in the crook of the tree. The face was three dimensional - protruding from the surrounding bark. I was close enough to being in a direct line of sight that I felt certain I was being scrutinized.

The question was scrutinized by whom. The face was genderless. If I shifted my eyes slightly to the right, it seemed I was being studied by an old hag. If I looked left, the face became that of a leather-faced American Indian.

Perhaps it was the spirit of the tree that was studying me. Perhaps the shift in appearance was natural. Perhaps, like a chameleon, the tree spirit altered its appearance constantly to avoid detection.

So how was it the spirit gifted me with its appearance this day? Was it a good omen or bad? I periodically pondered those questions during the second half of my workday.

When the quitting whistle blew I returned to the tree. The face was gone. No matter how I shifted my feet or eyes there was simply no tree spirit to be seen.

Had it ever really been there?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fight to the Finish

The day started with a sky that made me think of a watercolor painted by an angry artist.

Clouds were layered one over another, abstract shapes of differing shades looking like they had been created by a heavy brush beaten against a canvas. The kind of random smattering that might have been created by an ill tempered child or a disillusioned professional.

As the morning wore on glimmers of sun peeked through here and there, throwing streaks and dashes of rainbow color into the gray - hope glimpsed briefly before being overwhelmed and obliterated by the angry swirls and splatters.

In the end hope and promise won out with a sunset built of bands of glowing pastels.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Do You See It?

Most of us have had the experience of seeing something move out of the corner of our eye and then turning to find nothing but a wall. We then find ourselves questioning whether we really saw the mysterious something at all.

What if we should actually be questioning what we do see?

An article I recently read suggests there is a spot in the very center of our vision - the very center of each pupil - that is blank. In actuality our eyes perceive nothing in those two spots - our brains learn to fill in what it seems ought to be there.

Which has me wondering - what evolutionary default set our brains to fill in based on the surrounding scene. If we look at an empty blue wall, then obviously the entire wall must be empty and blue, so our brain fills in the empty spots with a flat surface of a blue color.

But what if that's not the case? What if those empty spots really allow us to pick up on another dimension? What if those childhood imaginary friends we are taught to outgrow live in that fourth dimension? What if upbringing causes us to "unlearn" an extra dimension? How do we recover that lost gift of extra sight?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Opposite Views

Many is the time I've been startled after waking from a nap on the beach. Startled to find the sun setting, startled to find the tide having advanced to within inches of my chair, startled to find the empty beach I had fallen asleep on now packed with fellow beach goers.

None of those compares with waking to find a wedding in progress.

The sound of the surf which had lulled me to sleep had obviously also blotted out the sound of chairs being opened, canopies being raised, and podiums being erected.

Rubbing my eyes I noticed the sun worshipers who had spent the day on the beach had turned their chairs to face the outdoor event.

So strange to watch folks in bikinis and swim trunks stare at folks in formal dress, while those in dresses and tuxedos stared back at the barely clad.

I wondered which group was most enjoying the show.

Friday, September 24, 2010

96 on 24

Ninety-six degrees on September 24!!

This is why "Summer" needs to be in the name of every season of the year (except Christmas).

Summer NEVER goes down for the count.

Wooo Hoo! Arms in the air! Show some love!!

Post-Summer ROCKS!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Balancing Anger

Busy schedule today and I'll be away from the Internet tomorrow.


So I offer a contemplation:



Momentary anger affords a sometimes necessary emergency release of emotion.


Allowing anger to extend beyond the moment results in more energy lost than benefit gained.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Motivational Priorities

There is no try - only do.

I stared at that phrase printed in big bold letters on the back of a delivery truck and wondered why it sounded so familiar.

I didn't recognize the name of the seafood distributor and was fairly certain I hadn't seen the truck before. So why was the phrase ringing a bell?

My memory kicked in just before I got close enough to the truck to make out the word YODA in smaller print.

Of course. Yoda. The Jedi Master for whom all things were possible.

Could it be that the distributor had to turn to a fictional character for the proper motivational statement or was the CEO simply a Star Wars fan?

I spent some time considering that question - and finally determined that sometimes we have to view the world from an outside perspective in order to identify proper priorities.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Time Lapse Town

The following few days are going to be like time-lapse photography.

Driving past the NASCAR stadium in Dover today I noticed the first two of what will ultimately be several dozen event tents on the fairgrounds. The first of the campers and motor homes had rolled in as well - folks determined to claim a spot neither too far from nor to close to the port-o-potty's.

Tomorrow there will be ten tents and fifty-some vehicles.

Wednesday another exponential jump - and so on.

Until, on Saturday, an entire "shantytown" will have overrun the normally empty hundreds of acres.

An entire town - in a single week. Like watching a flower go from seed to full bloom in a single National Geographic episode.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

You Could Shoe That Dog

How much is that doggy on the sidewalk?
Say is that doggy for sale?
How much is that doggy on the sidewalk?
The one with paws big enough for a Clydesdale.

Yes, the dog we saw walking the sidewalks of Rehoboth Beach today had paws big enough to support a Clydesdale foal.

When we learned the dog was actually still a pup - only six months old - I got the feeling that a blacksmith probably would be able to size a metal shoe to the dog by the time the dog was full grown.

For that the matter, the dog could probably be fitted for a saddle too.

At six months, The slender Great Dane could just about look its master in the eye.

I'd be interested in visiting the dog and owners' residence six months from now. I'd probably find the dog in a king size bed and the people sleeping on bean bags upholstered in plaid fabric at the foot of the bed.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Say... What Color Is That?

How had black turned to gray?

It was 4:00 in the afternoon and the horizon was black as night. According to the weather radio, the storm front was still twenty miles away from the building where I work. So it was with a certain amount of surprise that I looked out the office window fifteen minutes later to find that the leading edge of a black wall had encroached to within a few blocks.

Being a lover of thunderstorms, I was all tingly with anticipation. This promised to be a whopper.

Scant seconds later, heavy raindrops were splattering loudly against the glass. Lightning flashed, thunder rolled.

....And the sky was a dirty gray.

Huh? The clouds had been jet black forty seconds ago. How was it they had spontaneously morphed from the color of ink to the color of dirty dishwater?

Had they ever really been black? As I pondered that question I realized this had happened before - a midnight wall turning to misty gray.

So just exactly what is the real color of a thunderhead?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Walking the Equator

Whew! I'm exhausted! All that walking - I had no idea!

I learned today that the average person walks the equivalent of five times around the Earth's equator in a lifetime. Based on the results of my google search about the Earth's circumference, that means I'll walk 125,510 miles before I keel over.

Which means I've already logged somewhere around 82,000 miles.

No wonder I go through so many pairs of sneakers!

I should invest in every shoe manufacturer I can find. I'll call my investment counselor tomor... well in a couple of days.

I need to catch my breath first.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Gift Rabbit

You should never look a gift horse in the mouth.

But should you look a gift rabbit in the eye?

I did just that in the wee hours of the morning.

Having turned on the light, I found myself looking at a gift that had been lovingly presented by our cat, Ginger.

The gift, as you have no doubt surmised, was a rabbit. And I was able to look the rabbit in the eye because it was stone cold.... er, ah, oven warm dead. That is to say the rabbit was obviously a fresh kill.

Now I know that I was supposed to ooh and ah in order to let Ginger know how much I appreciated the gift, but at 5:00 a.m. it was all I could do to summon the energy to scoop the deceased critter into a bag and toss it in the trash.

After which Ginger stared accusingly in My eye.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Motor Bowser

I lowered the volume of the radio in my car this morning expecting to hear screams for help from Princess Peach - because Bowser was racing off into the distance on a motorcycle.

Okay - so maybe Bowser from the Mario Brothers video game wasn't really on the motorcycle - but it sure looked that way from my viewpoint.

Cooler morning temperatures have necessitated the donning of jackets by riders of motorcycles.
The motorcyclist in front of me this morning must have been wearing a jacket four sizes too big.
The wind had found its way into the folds of the jacket and blown the jacket up so that the camouflage wind breaker looked like a gigantic turtle shell.

Besides the shell, the only thing visible was the back of a German army helmet. No neck, no shoulders, just a shell and a helmet.

Is it any wonder I was watching for Mario in my rear view mirror?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Calling at the Wrong Time

My home phone has been ringing off the hook recently. Politicians, friends of politicians, and concerned citizens all have recommendations as to how I should cast my vote in the upcoming primary election.

So....If the politicians have time to call me now, why can't they find the time to call during the normal course of business?

I'd actually appreciate picking up the phone and hearing someone say: Hey, Bruce, there's an important bill in front of Congress right now. Since I represent you, I'd like to know where you stand so that I can make an informed decision on how to vote.

Somehow I think such an occurrence would appear in my diary like this:

Dear Diary,
I was talking with my congressman today and nearly missed seeing the pig land in the front yard.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Coming to a Klingon Center Near You

If you're familiar with Ouija Boards, then you know that when conditions are just right the pointer used with the board moves from letter to letter to spell out a message.

When I fired up my computer this evening, the arrow pointer of the mouse moved across the screen and led me directly to... a link about a new opera.

Now ordinarily I would not have interest in an opera - but I must confess I was intrigued to read that the show, opening in the Netherlands, is sung entirely in the Klingon language - by folks dressed like Klingon's.

Honest injun - Klingon! (I'm picturing Lt. Worf belting out a string of bass notes.)

If you're a Star Trek fan and you just dropped your jaw at this bit of news and are now preparing to visit Priceline for a cheap airline ticket - well maybe you want to google transporter instead. The opera only has a three day run.

The website didn't reference a name for the performance. I can only guess it would be titled A Good Day to Die.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tuning In

Having spent twenty-some years together, Motivated Mom and I are generally well tuned in to one another.

Tuned in as in being able to anticipate how the other of us will respond to a given situation, event, conversation, etc.

But the tuning dials seem to have drifted a bit of late. Perhaps it's due to my being at the opposite end of the state a couple nights a week. If so, that's going to have to be remedied PDQ.

I hadn't really noticed the drift until this evening. Thursday evening being one of those that I spend at home during the work week, Motivated Mom had an agenda on her mind. I knew what the first part of the evening schedule would be long before arriving home - and without any preliminary discussion.

Like I said - tuned in.

So I was not at all surprised when Motivated Mom grabbed her car keys and said Let's go even before I had finished my dinner.

After reaching what I thought was our sole primary destination, Motivated Mom jigged left instead of jogging right. Suddenly we were headed even further from home.

Whoa! Who filed this part of the flight plan? I wondered.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, there were conflicting agenda for the balance of the evening.

Got to get those wavelengths tuned back in.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Reading Terry Brooks

College Dude and I have been sharing novels recently.

Well, okay, mostly he's loaning and I'm reading and returning - but it's still sharing.

The most recent book on loan is a novel by Terry Brooks. And I'm as happy as a pig in.....

Because there are some authors - and for me Terry Brooks is at the top of the list- who just make me want to sink deep into an easy chair with their book and never move until I've read the last word on the last page.

Mowing the lawn? It can wait.
Fixing meals? Guzzling a gallon of water will keep me full.
Bathroom break? Well, okay I guess I have to leave the chair occasionally.

Actually, I'm forcing myself to periodically set this particular book aside. Because an author can write only so fast. I've already read every last one of Terry's other dozens of books. So when I'm finished this one I have to wait... seemingly forever... for the next great read.

Got to go... it's been thirty five minutes and twenty seconds since I last turned a page.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Houses and Homes

I'm not sure at what point a house becomes a home.

Some houses never make that transition - somehow the people and the structure just never make the necessary connection.

But when the fit is right, at some point the building changes from a house to a home. Homes are comfortable, warm and inviting - a place that protects you from the chaos of the outside world.

This weekend I was reminded that there are two classifications of homes.

The first classification being a quiet retreat that glows from the accumulation of offered and accepted love. A place where the past is fondly remembered, the present is embraced, and the future is welcome to arrive in its own good time.

Classification number two is a gathering place that pulses with perpetual motion. Where loving interaction is fast paced and energizing and where plans are made with a sense that the moment to grasp life by the tail is now.

One classification is not better than the other. Each environment nurtures lifelong relationships. Having a home that can do double duty is a blessing.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Remembering Laborers

As we roll into Labor Day weekend, many of us will kick up our heels for a well deserved break.

Many others will continue to work so that vacationers will still have access to gas for their cars, food for there stomachs, and beds for their tired heads. Many members of the armed forces will continue to man their posts.

For those fortunate enough to have an extended break - be sure to take the time to thank those who maintain the infrastructure that provides safety and convenience during your holiday.

Here's hoping those unable to find jobs from which to rest will know brighter days ahead.


I'll be away from the blog-o-sphere for a few days. Look for a new post Wednesday, September 8.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Alternative Rating System

A new independent ratings system for television has been established.

The first rating under this new system occurred yesterday. A man walked into Discovery Channel headquarters brandishing a gun and demanded that programming be changed.

I'm betting a one gun rating will get the programming director's attention more than a one star rating.

Now I'm sure the full details of the new rating system have yet to be worked out, but I'm expecting the one to four star rating system replaced by:

mildly inferior program - one armed gunman with traditional revolver

substantially inferior program - two armed gunmen with traditional revolvers

grossly inferior program- three armed gunmen with rapid fire handguns

should never have made

it on the air - four armed gunmen with semi-automatic rifles


I'm anticipating a lot of empty slots in the television lineup. Perhaps broadcasters will need to go back to displaying the test signal during down time.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

When Different Isn't

I don't remember exactly when the changed appearance of the silo ceased to catch my attention.

No, I'm not talking about a silo housing a nuclear missile. Nor is the silo even a steel cylinder.

The brick tower used for storing corn silage is just that - a tower. It would not look the least bit out of place if it stood at the corner of an English castle. That is, it used to look that way...

...Until the night traffic was brought to a halt as firemen fought the inferno blazing within the brick column. Having consumed the wooden roof, red and orange flames licked hungrily for the sky despite the hundreds of gallons of water flowing through fire hoses.

The following day the silo was a blackened, burned out corpse. For weeks every time I passed the silo my eyes were drawn to its forever changed appearance.

At some point the transformation ceased to be an attention grabber. At some point I no longer gave a second thought to the tower's state of decay.

Only now, five years past the night I watched dozens of fireman battle flames, am I wondering exactly when an open topped, smoke stained structure came to be what I expected to see.