Under Penatly of Law

I'm sure you've seen them. The tags that come on new merchandise. The tags that say This Tag Is Not to Be Removed Under Penalty of Law.

In recent years the caveat, Except by End User, has been added.

Apparently a lot of people thought the Tag Police were going to hunt down folks who actually dared to remove the tag.

I know my father did. I found that out on the Christmas morning that I unwrapped my first sleeping bag. There was a big rectangular label hanging off the end of the bag. I promptly removed the label with a pair of scissors.

It was only after I had finished the delicate surgery that my father asked what the label said.

I started reading at the top. Not to be removed under penalty of ....

That was as far as I got before my father went into apoplexy. Had he been able to find the breath to do so, I'm certain he would have ordered my mother to close the curtains and turn off the lights.

When he finally did recover his voice he issued such a lengthy berating that I ran in search of a scotch tape dispenser (I probably should have done a sniper crawl to stay below window level) and tried to tape the tag back in place.

It took me the better part of a week to realize the U.S. Marshals were not going to come knocking on our door.