Baby Strategy

With enough babies, we could win any war. The enemy would never have the opportunity to get organized. They would be too busy chasing diaper clad infants in order to rescue shoes, ammunition, and keys.

In command centers, maps would lie on the floor in jumbled heaps. Cell phones and radios would have disappeared down toilets and into trashcans. Desk chairs would clip generals in the backs of their knees as the chairs rolled around the bunker like bumper cars in an amusement park.

The doors to storage cabinets would stand open, the contents of those cabinets strewn across the floor. Without shoes, which the babies would have already made off with, soldiers would be forced to navigated the cluttered floors on hands and knees. Grown men, trained soldiers, would raise their hands in surrender and plead to be rescued from the perpetual tide of stubby legged toddlers surging around them.