I'd always wanted to do it. Just the way you see in TV commercials and movies.
Tonight, coming home to an empty house after a particularly challenging day at the office, I did. I left a trail through the house - kicking off one shoe, then the other, discarding my jacket, flinging my tie across the back of a chair, letting my shirt drop to the floor while I stepped out of my pants. The trail led straight to the refrigerator and a chilled bottle of wine.
I sipped the wine while zapping food in the microwave, then collapsed in a chair.
Feeling totally mellow, I turned on the stereo and glanced back toward the front door.
Sh....ucks. Now I had to go pick up all that crap up off the floor. Stripping while you walk isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Healing Heat
One of mankind's greatest inventions is the plate glass window.
I came to this conclusion today while eating lunch in a room warmed to near 90 degrees by the noon sun shining through an impressively sized piece of glass. There's no better way to clear the cobwebs brought on by the season of Nightmare than to turn your face toward the blazing sun and let solar energy bake you to better mental health.
So I wasn't really surprised when I came across a news article later in the day reporting that saunas are fast rising to the top of the list of most popular home improvements.
With the past two Nightmare seasons pretty much squashing the worries of global warming, folks are looking for a way to cope with global cooling.
There is after all a basic need to be warm. If a little piece of paradise in your own home can offer both soothing heat and better health, even on a cloudy day - well it doesn't get any better than that.
I came to this conclusion today while eating lunch in a room warmed to near 90 degrees by the noon sun shining through an impressively sized piece of glass. There's no better way to clear the cobwebs brought on by the season of Nightmare than to turn your face toward the blazing sun and let solar energy bake you to better mental health.
So I wasn't really surprised when I came across a news article later in the day reporting that saunas are fast rising to the top of the list of most popular home improvements.
With the past two Nightmare seasons pretty much squashing the worries of global warming, folks are looking for a way to cope with global cooling.
There is after all a basic need to be warm. If a little piece of paradise in your own home can offer both soothing heat and better health, even on a cloudy day - well it doesn't get any better than that.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Cleaning House
Mother Nature has been cleaning house the past few days. Winds gusting to 40 miles per hour have been sending the remains of last year's growing season tumbling to... well, where ever Mother Nature sweeps things to.
Dry blades of decorative grass, clumps of matted leaves, branches broken from shrubs, and even some snaking vines have been sliding across roadways and slicing through the air.
Ma Nature seems to be attacking her dust bunnies with a particular fury.
Folks opting to stand in her path do so at their own peril - risking the loss of scarves, hats, and hairpieces.
Hmmm... I think that was just a rabbit skin hat and not a toupee I saw tumble across the sidewalk in front of me today
Dry blades of decorative grass, clumps of matted leaves, branches broken from shrubs, and even some snaking vines have been sliding across roadways and slicing through the air.
Ma Nature seems to be attacking her dust bunnies with a particular fury.
Folks opting to stand in her path do so at their own peril - risking the loss of scarves, hats, and hairpieces.
Hmmm... I think that was just a rabbit skin hat and not a toupee I saw tumble across the sidewalk in front of me today
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Five Seasons
After the past few months of bitterly cold weather pushing into historically "safe" southern climes, I've come to the conclusion that my litany of seasons needs to allow for a fifth season.
Pre-Summer, Summer, Post-Summer, and Christmas do not allow for the inhuman conditions that have been visited on us during the early months of two consecutive years.
I had counted on January, February, and March of 2010 being a fluke, but with early 2011 bringing a repeat performance I am forced to acknowledge weather patterns just might be changing.
But what to name that fifth season? I have been struggling with that for several weeks now. The season of Hibernation was a forerunner possibility, but since human kind can't just bar the doors for weeks at a time, it wasn't really the best fit.
Then a friend came to visit this weekend, remarked on the welcome warm weather, and commented that walking out the door into forty degree temperatures is like waking from a nightmare.
And there it was - the name of the fifth season. Nightmare. What better way to describe the bone chilling wind and life threatening snow and ice that have plagued us the past few weeks. I fear recent days are but a brief waking from Nightmare, but ultimately Pre-Summer will prevail.
Pre-Summer, Summer, Post-Summer, and Christmas do not allow for the inhuman conditions that have been visited on us during the early months of two consecutive years.
I had counted on January, February, and March of 2010 being a fluke, but with early 2011 bringing a repeat performance I am forced to acknowledge weather patterns just might be changing.
But what to name that fifth season? I have been struggling with that for several weeks now. The season of Hibernation was a forerunner possibility, but since human kind can't just bar the doors for weeks at a time, it wasn't really the best fit.
Then a friend came to visit this weekend, remarked on the welcome warm weather, and commented that walking out the door into forty degree temperatures is like waking from a nightmare.
And there it was - the name of the fifth season. Nightmare. What better way to describe the bone chilling wind and life threatening snow and ice that have plagued us the past few weeks. I fear recent days are but a brief waking from Nightmare, but ultimately Pre-Summer will prevail.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Senior Objection
An acquaintance who has been particularly down in the dumps recently about having passed the age of sixty was in happier than normal mood yesterday. When I inquired about the turnaround he laughingly thrust a copy of a local newspaper into my hand saying: turn to page eighteen, now I know I'm not alone.
On page eighteen I found an article about an incensed sixty-five year old man. It seems the gentleman, well known in the area, had been identified in a previous newspaper article telling how he had suffered a "senior moment", run a red light, and caused considerable damage.
Thinking I was going to read about how the guy was angry about having his public reputation tarnished my a rather lengthy write-up of his accident, I was surprised to find such was not the case.
The article is absolutely accurate, the man at fault acknowledged. But they referred to me as a senior citizen and that pisses me off.
On page eighteen I found an article about an incensed sixty-five year old man. It seems the gentleman, well known in the area, had been identified in a previous newspaper article telling how he had suffered a "senior moment", run a red light, and caused considerable damage.
Thinking I was going to read about how the guy was angry about having his public reputation tarnished my a rather lengthy write-up of his accident, I was surprised to find such was not the case.
The article is absolutely accurate, the man at fault acknowledged. But they referred to me as a senior citizen and that pisses me off.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Banana You Say
Surely I had misread the sentence.
I pulled my glasses from my head, polished the lenses with my shirtsleeve, set the glasses back in place, and read the sentence again.
The words were unchanged. A strawberry is not a real berry, but a banana is.
I grabbed the corner of the table to steady myself as my world turned upside down. Once certain a floor was really still a floor I hurried to consult with Mr. Google, PhD.
And learned that true fruits are "simple fruits". Simple meaning that they form from a flower with a single ovary.
Strawberries grow from a flower with multiple ovaries, making strawberries a complex fruit and therefore not a true fruit. (A banana, it turns out, comes from a flower with a single ovary - so it is a real fruit.)
This explanation sounded a lot like the government documents I spend my day reading but... if one is going to split hairs, then I guess one might as well split fruits too.
But now I had a new dilemma: True fruits and almost-fruits begin as ovaries. Human life begins in an ovary. So does that mean when I go into my garden I'm looking not for fruit ready to be picked, but plants that are ready to deliver?
I pulled my glasses from my head, polished the lenses with my shirtsleeve, set the glasses back in place, and read the sentence again.
The words were unchanged. A strawberry is not a real berry, but a banana is.
I grabbed the corner of the table to steady myself as my world turned upside down. Once certain a floor was really still a floor I hurried to consult with Mr. Google, PhD.
And learned that true fruits are "simple fruits". Simple meaning that they form from a flower with a single ovary.
Strawberries grow from a flower with multiple ovaries, making strawberries a complex fruit and therefore not a true fruit. (A banana, it turns out, comes from a flower with a single ovary - so it is a real fruit.)
This explanation sounded a lot like the government documents I spend my day reading but... if one is going to split hairs, then I guess one might as well split fruits too.
But now I had a new dilemma: True fruits and almost-fruits begin as ovaries. Human life begins in an ovary. So does that mean when I go into my garden I'm looking not for fruit ready to be picked, but plants that are ready to deliver?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Extended Break
The problem with taking a break from exercising is... starting to exercise again.
Suddenly those twenty-five pound weights feel like sixty; and when your arms start shaking at the thirtieth push-up you wonder how you ever made to fifty.
After a few dozen chest and shoulder building exercises the bench that felt exceedingly firm when you first laid flat suddenly seems perfectly acceptable for a quick nap.
And that protein drink you have waiting for you when you finish - well suddenly that has all the appeal of chugging sour milk.
Perhaps that break from exercising should extend just a little longer.
Suddenly those twenty-five pound weights feel like sixty; and when your arms start shaking at the thirtieth push-up you wonder how you ever made to fifty.
After a few dozen chest and shoulder building exercises the bench that felt exceedingly firm when you first laid flat suddenly seems perfectly acceptable for a quick nap.
And that protein drink you have waiting for you when you finish - well suddenly that has all the appeal of chugging sour milk.
Perhaps that break from exercising should extend just a little longer.
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