Colors and the Spoken Word

The multiple hues of yellows, oranges, and reds on the western horizon triggered an upward turn of the corners of my mouth. The smile brought with it a relief of stress that had built up during the answering of eighty-seven e-mails and the reading of too many seventy page documents.

So entranced did I become with the blazing sunset that I very nearly forgot the need to pay attention to the cars racing down the other lanes of the other roadway.

I have recently been considering opening an account with audiblebooks.com, and listening to books to alleviate the monotony of the commute.  But after nearly driving off into the sunset, I'm thinking that perhaps I shouldn't risk losing myself in chapters of a book with cruise control set to sixty-five.

Director Conversation

rrrrinng

Hello, Ministry of Weather, how can I help you?

Put me through to the Director Of Precipitation Efficiency.

Director Of Precipitation Efficiency speaking.

DOPE, this is the Secretary of Decrees and Orders. What is going on there?  Your department is out of control. Three occurrences of measurable snowfall in ten days with another event scheduled! This is quite outside of your authority. The Office of Complaints is completely overwhelmed. Explain!

Well, sir, after some consideration I thought...

There!  That is the problem. You thought! Decrees and orders are issued to keep people like you from thinking.  I warn you, DOPE, get your department under control or I'll contact the Groundhog Guild. I'll have the groundhogs see to it that snowfall opportunities are severely curtailed.

CLICK.

Unequivalent Clothes

Why is it..

That clothes for men are sized by either waist and inseam or neck and sleeve, but clothes for women are sized by numbers ranging from 2 through... well I'm really not sure how high the numbers go.

And just how were those numbers for women's clothes determined?  Does it take 2 yards of fabric to make a size 2 shirt? Hmmm... that would mean a size 12 shirt would take - no that can't be it.

It makes infinitely more sense to size clothes by an actual measurement. Men don't need to take a slide rule to the store. A man with a 32 inch waist needs - surprise! a pair of pants with a 32 inch waist.  32 inches of waistline doesn't need to be converted to size 8.

 It's not like the special numbering system for women disguises anything. We all know a woman who wears a size 2 is skinny and a woman who wears a size 18 is.... bigger than a woman who wears a size 2.

Presidential Scan

Can you believe that our President's citizenship status is in question again - or still?  With the recent changing of the guard in the House of Representatives, reporters want to know if the new arrivals believe the Pres is entitled to sit in the White House.

I have a solution to the endless questions.  Make the President travel on a standard airline - run him through a body scanner, collect some tissue samples, take a DNA swab - and see what shakes out.

Toasting Buns

The thing I love about houses and buildings heated by hot water is that even on the coldest days you can toast your buns on the radiators.

Just now I have the happy problem of a broken thermostat on the radiator in my office. A happy problem because the thermostat is stuck on the highest setting, so my office is somewhere around eight-five degrees.

And while eighty-five can feel a little warm when dressed in a shirt and tie, I'll gladly take it over what Mother Nature is currently serving up.

I can't help but wonder why civilization ever moved away from radiator heat. It has none of the hot and cold cycles associated with forced hot air and, as already mentioned, you can cook a meal - or yourself - at any time of day.

If we could just figure out a way to heat the lakes, rivers, and reservoirs, we could pump the heated water through our houses, route the water back out to the land, and be "greener" all around.

Morning Glow

I might have been racing from an enormous furnace or fleeing from the path of an erupting volcano.

The layers of yellows, reds, and oranges that filled the rearview mirrors of my car this morning had me thinking of burning coals and smoldering lava.

Perhaps it's just my desire to have the recent cold weather a distant memory, but I swore I could feel heat radiating from the glowing morning sky.

Alas I find myself remembering the sailing lure:  red sky at night, sailor's delight / red sky in morning, sailor's take warning - and wonder what cruel tricks Mother Nature has planned.

Holiday Weather

It was an epic blizzard, the kind of storm the details of which will be based down to my grandchildren and great grandchildren. Those young folk will shiver to thought of pulling abandoned vehicles from twelve foot drifts while howling winds whipped snow flakes and ice crystals into impenetrable walls of white that obliterated any hope of finding safety.

Well, okay, the drifts were three feet deep, my nephew's car was stuck only thirty feet from my house and I could see the lights on the front of my house through the blowing snow - but we all COULD have been hopelessly lost forever.

I hope never again to experience holiday weather the likes of that which recently passed.